Are His Interests Your Interests?

Are you familiar with Fierce Marriage? Their Instagram is so encouraging, full of beautiful posts. They wrote the “15 Second Kiss Experiment” which is a great read, if you have a moment. I tried it a while back. And it works. “More Kissing, Less Bickering.” Love it. I bring Fierce Marriage up because I credit them with encouraging me with the idea,

Pray, Play, Stay, Together.

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I thought about this a lot and realized, that running with my husband is definitely something that holds us together, and in our own way, it is “play.” It is something we enjoy, it is outside, for us it is fun, and we can do it together.

But we didn’t always do it together. 

When we were first married, my husband was (as he has been his entire life) dedicated to running, his pursuit of qualifying for the Olympic trials in the marathon. So he ran. A lot. And talked about running a lot. And thought about running a lot.

And I didn’t really get it.

I didn’t mind it, but I didn’t get it.

I wasn’t a runner, I had maybe gone out on a handful of runs, maybe done a 5k even, but as far as the details of running, or what it felt like to train or race, or be injured or be dedicated… I really knew nothing about it.

That doesn’t work so great.

Bitterness creeps in.

Why is he spending so much time on this?

Annoyance happens.

Why is he still talking about this?

For us it was running, but I imagine for other husbands out there it might be cars, football, hunting, guns, ____________ (insert your man’s passion here.) I bet your husband has an interest. And if you ask him, it probably brings him joy, rest and fulfillment. Those are GOOD things, right?

So what is really going on in our heart?

We forget that we too spend time on our interests. We go on Pinterest. We attend a bible study. We have play dates or we craft or we do whatever brings us fulfillment and peace and enjoyment. But for some reason, when hubby wants to do his thing… we roll our eyes.

We don’t understand it. The way our husband most likely doesn’t understand Pinterest, we might not understand guns or cars or football. Or running.

How can we be wholehearted?

Take an interest. A REAL interest. Not a “I will sit here and let you talk to me about it” interest, but a “train for a marathon” type interest. Or a “take me to the shooting range please” interest. Or a “can we find a car show to attend together?” type interest.

Ladies, I follow running now. Like, on my Twitter feed is pretty much all professional runners. What? I know results of track meets and marathons, sometimes before even talking to my husband.

I qualified for the Boston Marathon. For my marriage.

Let it become your “play” together. Does he like video games? Pick up the second controller. Does he run? Get joggin. Hate to run? Well, fake it till you make it, gals. Pray God would grant you joy in it and watch Him work. As He unifies you.

Above all, put on love—the perfect bond of unity. Col 3:14 (HCSB)

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12 thoughts on “Are His Interests Your Interests?

  1. Lol! My husband is pretty “boring” he likes to sit in bed by himself and read. That’s it. Literally. Ok, and he watches football, which I will partake in during football season. He also likes deep theological discussions with his best friend and other intellectually stimulating friends. He went to a vigorous seminary. I try to keep up, but it’s lot of big words! 😉

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    1. lol, sounds like you have a pretty studious man Gabby! I wonder if you shared with him that you would like to know more about his studies, if he might want to “dumb it down” for ya? LOL. NOT that you are dumb, but hey, there is jargon in everything right? Or hey, maybe we can start our own deep theological study here, and then it would be something YOU could share with HIM! Lol, meet him on his level 🙂 Thanks for reading and commenting, I hope you are encouraged or at least interst is piqued 🙂

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    1. Ah, so glad Stephanie! I love your heart to strengthen and improve 🙂 Stay tuned for posts about how goal charts have changed my life and marriage… all thanks to YOU!! 🙂

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  2. This is beautiful!! Thank you for sharing. 🙂 Does this mean I need to start watching Transformers, the cartoon? Haha! It’s his mindless activity … when I’m busy. Thank Jesus!!

    Thank you again Heather! Love this!

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    1. Lol Carisse, I think you and P are a GREAT example of sharing and supporting each others interests. I don’t necessarily need to understand ALL of his interests… maybe just the big ones 🙂

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  3. This sounds like a wonderfully selfless way to expand both your marriage and yourself. I imagine the ideal expression of this commitment to a fierce marriage is the deliberate and active interest Jameson takes in your greatest personal passion as well.

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