The Myth of the 50/50 Marriage

There is a myth that marriages work when they are 50/50. You do your part, I will do mine. You hold up your end, I will hold up mine.

What about giving everything we have, without expecting ANYTHING in return?

To the newly married, I suppose it seems like harmless enough advice: let’s split up the chores! Let’s take shifts tonight with the baby! The problem is, not only does this not work practically (what happens when one person drops the ball? License to drop ours too?) it doesn’t line up with Christ’s example. When did Jesus ever encourage us to “meet half way” or “protect ourselves from doing too much.”? He didn’t. And he certainly wasn’t going 50/50 when He went to the cross – which we are told, if we want to follow Him, we must do too. 

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wants to come with Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me. (Matt 16:24)

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“If I have to pick up his socks off the floor one more time…”

Friend, Christ DIED for you. 

“Couldn’t he put the kids to bed, just for once?”

He gave up His LIFE for you. 

So what is REALLY going on in our heart?

We overlook our own shortcomings and highlight our husband’s. Think he is the only one who leaves socks on the floor? Check out how many bobby pins are laying in the shower. Tired of putting the kids to bed yourself night after night? How about shouldering the burden of providing for an entire family, day in day out? Even if we WERE shooting for 50/50 (which we are not) we would fall short, if we took an honest look.

Instead of seeking TO serve, we are desiring to BE served. Friend, it can’t be this way. Jesus confronted this attitude with “It must not be like that among you. On the contrary, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave.” (Matt 20:26-27)

The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life, a ransom for many. Matthew 20:28

We think we have done more than our share. And we are done. It’s not that we CAN’T handle both kids at the dinner table (we somehow manage to handle them both at breakfast and lunch, right?) it’s that we just don’t WANT to do it anymore, so we feel like hubby should “do his share” right now.

How can we be wholehearted?

Tell fear to take a hike. Fear of being tired. Fear of not getting it all done. Fear you are doing too much and he is doing too little. Those thoughts need to just be banished. Tell them to get lost. Say it out loud if you need to!

Remember Christ is our example, not the world. He gave 100%. He went to the cross. He gave EVERYTHING, and asks us to do the same. He is our model, who we are called to emulate. Let His example guide our actions. People might not understand your desire to serve your family. That’s okay. God does, and His is the opinion that matters.

colossians 3:23

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9 thoughts on “The Myth of the 50/50 Marriage

  1. Wow. Very nice. I struggle everyday with this. I know these words and I know that my struggles make me the person that God needs me to be in order to fulfill His plan for my life. Great to have a reminder. Thank you.

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  2. This is great! I have heard this concept before. I think what I need to continue to battle is not the “I am doing too much” attitude but the “I need someone to see how much in doing and pat me on the back” attitude!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes! I will admit that I used to buy into the 50/50 marriage idea once upon a time. I think it’s very hard not to, growing up in the current culture. However, having been married for several years now, I’ve learned that if we go into marriage expecting it to be a 50/50 deal, we’re forever keeping score and there’s just no room for grace, love, and giving.

    Liked by 1 person

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